風になりたい! Kaze ni naritai! 

A look at life in Japan through big, round, gaijin eyes. Relfections on life in Japan, America, from the faceless streets of Tokyo. Let's blogging!

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Time Machine

Shh... listen. Do you hear that sound like sand slipping through an hourglass? Have you felt the years falling in the whipser of the rain? Do you know that hours pass between each of my heartbeats? Have you ever seen a minute flicker like a firefly in the night? Do you believe in seconds?

I'm never on time, so I think I'm gonna build a time machine. You'd never have to worry. I wouldn't be late anymore. And if I wasn't there, well, I'd be there soon. If I hadn't been there already. I'd keep all my appointments, and maybe make more appointments. I'd be happy to see you any time. After all, I'd have the time. And if you didn't want to see me, well it turns out I wouldn't need any of your time in the end.

I'd be busy in my time machine. I'd be going back and making sure that I had enjoyed all those precious moments I foolishly let slip away back when I thought I had so much more time. A time machine would be perfect for getting the moment just right. It's funny when you're caught up in a moment, it seems like all you have is time. And when it passes, well, if only you could make it last a little longer. I need a machine that makes longer moments. Bigger moments. American-sized moments. My time machine would have to slow down time.

Did you know that 25 and a half years only takes a few hours to tell? Maybe only a few lines of text? A good short story perhaps.

What does it mean that I came here when my sister had not yet gone off to college, but while I wasn't there she graduated? Did those years happen? Did she exist when I was out of the room? Why didn't the time of her life overlap with the time of my life? Or did it? Whose time was faster? Whose time was better? Why did we only meet a handful of times in a handful of years? Why is love not stronger than that?

In my time machine, I would be there watching those years. I would be there to laugh with at those parties she threw. I would be whispering the answers during those tests that she passed. I would be holding her when she needed a brother's shoulder to cry on. I would be there this time.

I would have time to fall in love as many times as I wanted. Lock up your daughters. If I had a time machine I would be honest. I would be devoted for all time. I would never wonder if I was wasting time. Wasting time is all we would ever do.

Ah when did you get old on me? I would only see you young and full of life, foolish and full of dreams. Back when you had time to chase your dreams, and didn't know the regrets of the ones that got away. Back when tomorrow didn't mean another day in the grind. There would be no grind.

If I had a time machine I could laugh at the hours slipping away. I would never grow old. I would never grow tired. I would never get it wrong. I would never say "next time."

Shh... I was dreaming that I remembered all my dreams. I never hear the ticking of clocks when I sleep. Eyes open. Tick. I'm late! Another hour becomes a day, a week, a year! A minute stretches on through a decade.

Do you believe in seconds?